My High School Reunion October 27, 2010

Nothing like a High School reunion to either kick you in the butt or pat you on the back!  I recently attended my 40th high school reunion in the midwest.  Turns out I picked up the conversations right where I left off and, yes, I was excitied to see how many grandchildren My classmates had.  I wanted to hear about their accomplishments, share the thrills and heartaches of their lives, and see who was bald and fat. 

Old loves rekindled for an hour, or two, and I laughed til I ached at our youthful stupidness.  Tears are shed for those who are gone and the stories not shared.  Mysteries brew over the missing.  Questions not  answered  haunted me.  But in the end, connecting for a few golden hours with the people who helped shaped my life, who believed and trusted in me at a time when many others didn’t, cannot be a bad thing.

Like Romy and Michele, we all wanted to impress and be the inventors of “Post Its”.  But we are not there for the invention, but for each other. You,  me and Bobbie Magee.  It was time to be present and engage.

I was fascinated by many,  interested in others, treated kindly by all.  So for those who were present, I give you a pat on the back for being there.  It was great fun and I was proud of all your accomplishments and the people you became, the families you raised and the role you played in my life.

Remind me to show you my post it notes.

Finding your way May 17, 2010

Sometimes life, feels like a maze that keeps spinning you around and around without a real destination or direction.  Or, when you do get to your destination you just have to turn around and go right back to where you came from, not really having gone anywhere?  All those repetitive things we do day in and day out…what is the point?  There must be a point?  Aren’t you supposed to feel this in your 20’s and work through the process. Find your focus, passion and drive and let that carry you on your journey?  Or is it undiagognosed ADD that keeps the maze going?  Or maybe the fact that time seems to fly by in months and years, where as, when you were a child waiting for school to end seemed like an eternity and sitting for an hour in a church pew felt like a week!  Am I just trying to do too much and get it all in and creating my own maze? Does everyone feel this way at certain points in their lives?  These are the questions I had to ask myself. 

What I have learned is that I am a bit of a perfectionist, and maybe have some obssesive complusive undertones, okay, I can accept this, it’s just how it is. Learning to let some things go and and realizing it doesn’t all have to be done today…an ephinany.  Of course I could tell other’s this but in my own mind I wanted all of mine done…that really does say something doesn’t it!   Next, life is short…so make sure you live it how you like it!  O.K. this one I think I have down!   ADD, yup, I’m sure there’s some of that also, Oh well, keeps it interesting and personally I think it’s what makes me a great muli-tasker.  Learn, learn, learn, never stop learning.  Do, Do Do, never stop doing.  Be present and in the game.  I’ve learned to enjoy the mundane things and think of it like down time…it’s my meditation!  I’m forging new paths in the maze and it’s getting bigger and one of these days I’ll pop out someplace I hadn’t expected and it will all have been worth it.  Heck it’s worth it even if I don’t pop out…but I think I will! I’m a late bloomer! That is something I’ve always known!!

Stuff April 6, 2010

 I love stuff.  I have stuff.  Stuff attracts me and I gather stuff.  It is my stuff that people go to and are attracted to in my home.  I have an eye for the unusual, the good, the ugly, the irreverant and the weird that make it unique when placed in your personal space.  Having nearly 30 years of experience as a decorator and collector I find this area of my life to be where I am fearless.  I love the hunt for stuff.  If the discovery is meant to be mine or a clients it doesn’t matter.  I see it from across the room and am fixated on it, like a bee on a blossom…gotta have it!   Checking the price tag…oow, not even close.  I hate when that happens…and the budget interfers with my great taste!  Move on.  Keep hunting. 

What is the point of all this stuff? Really?  I have to ask myself this question, it’s just stuff.  O.K., I’m a visual snob…there, I said it, I can’t help it.  I know.  I’ve tried.  Given the opportunity I would go around tweaking and shoozing everything in sight.  Leave me alone in a room and I’m sure to move a few things just to balance it and make it better…can’t you see I’m helping!   I live in and have created a totally visual world that feeds and stimulates who I am and others who enter it.  Perhaps I am the keeper of these things I call stuff, until they find another resting place to be adored and enjoyed.  At least I hope that is the case. 

What I have learned is that living with interesting and beautiful things does inspire.  As a collector you collect memories with these objects.  Every object has a story as to how it arrived, via travel, the antique shop or as a gift.  It helps to keep your choices narrowed and focused as you build a collection.  Random one off’s need to be special in their own right.   A collection may consist of three objects or a hundred, you can decide when it is complete and move on.  It also is important to give these items a sense of purpose or space.  Clustering a group of all white (blue, black, green etc.) objects together gives support and credibility to the objects.  Use books to stagger heights and add interest.  Perhaps their own cabinet or shelf.  If the object is a one-of-a-kind, placing it upon a short stack of books will give it the importance it needs. 

Stuff takes on a new meaning when displayed properly, it offers you stories to tell and lets the viewer see who you are by the objects you buy and keep.  For now I’m enjoying my stuff and I hope one day these treasures will find their way into someone else’s collection or life.

Bon Jour March 28, 2010

O.K. I will admit I am a bit of a Francophile.  I have a passion for the life and style of France if only it weren’t for the language barrier!  I haven’t given up on the goal of spending at least part of my year living there.  I have spent the last 15 years gathering words in my brain and studing the language resulting in minimal success!  I have absolutley no idea why I studied German in school?  I don’t have a German bone in my body and have never been there, where as, I do have French bones and spend a fair amount of my travel in France.  Go figure, youth.

Recently we decided to house three French exchange students for several weeks.  I put my tapes in the day before their arrival and was communicating beautifuly with my French instructor (who understands everything I say).  The problem seems to be that no one communicates like that.  When you speak the lines you’ve learned on the audio tapes they look at you as if you are speaking Greek.  The other problem is I know these phrases in there complete form and cannot break them apart…so, I either have to say it as I know it and hope they will understand or butcher it and enjoy their giggles as I distroy their beautiful language.  Years ago while reading “Me Talk Pretty One Day” by David Sedaris, I found myself laughing out loud through much of the book as he struggled through the language creating an Eng-Fre version of the language.  Today I find myself asking my dear sweet French girls if they, “you like want me you go him with ready soon?”  They look sweetly at me then at each other and smile and say, “oui” and off we go.  Bon Jour.

Time Ticks Away January 11, 2010

It’s actually amazing how fast time is moving.  I know it’s the same as it always has been, but it feels faster.  As a child, my mother told me someday time would seem to be in short supply and I would cast her a sarcastic look as if she had nothing better in her life to do then worry about insignificant thoughts.  Now 30 years later, here I am worrying about the passage of time.

I guess it’s more of a feeling than a worry.  Time seems to be moving so fast that is makes me question whether I will ever be able to accomplish all of my life goals.  Truly, I don’t think a creative person ever gets close to feeling finished, perhaps accomplished, but not finished.  It’s not like there is day when you say: “Oh look, I’m finished, no more creative thoughts”.

Recently I read a story by David Sedaris about the four-burner theory.  A character in his book suggests that we should  imagine our lives as a four-burner stove.  Each burner represents a part of our lives — one for family, friends, health, and work.  David’s friend, who is explaining the theory, tells him you can only use three of the four burners if you want to be successful.   David asked him: “Which burner did you turn off first?”  The friend replied: “Family”.  The friend continued that to be uber successful you need to turn off two burners.  When asked which burner went off next she answered: “My health.”  Mr. Sedaris goes on to weave a humorous, slightly disturbing, heartfelt story about family and success.

Needless to say, I think the four burner theory is probably correct to a point.  No matter how you look at it, time is ticking away and there’s nothing you can do about it except adjust.

Right now, I feel like I am cooking on all four burners.  Tick, Tock.

Cake and Eat it too! September 21, 2009

Several weeks ago I read Tori Spellings new book, “Mommywood”, as I’m a fan of her reality show.  I know, I can’t help it.  I’m a bit of a reality show junky.  I’m hooked.  It’s totally my guilty pleasure.  Thank you Tivo!  

That being said, I had to ask myself what was it with Tori that drew me into this show?  My children are mostly raised, and yes, I have daughter’s around the same age who are raising their own famlies.  Was that it?  No.  It went deeper.  Tori is a worry wort, who struggles to make it on her own even though she was raised in the most opulant style.  She has pazazz, wit, humor and is creatively clever.   

Tori’s energy and drive reminded me of myself at her age.  I too was a worry wart and somehow, I was able to change that thanks to my dear friend who reminded me, that you must believe that your children, and those you love, are blessed.  These words  freed me from the tortment of constant worry.  As a mother, I have said these words to others who have had irrational thoughts and worries as well.  I think that is the reason I became hooked on her show.  Tori is fun, silly and can throw a great party.  She’s successful because of her hard work and she loves her family.  Me too!  This was the connection that drew me in and made me stay.  I admire her perseverance to figure it all out and to reach for the stars.  I needed to see what happened.  I know I’m not alone, there are lot’s of you out there.

I still feel bad that her mother and her cannot connect but sometimes it  just happens that way in life.  It really comes down to expectations and perception when you are dealing with a problematic exchange between two people who should be able to communicate with one another but, for whatever reason, cannot.  We all perceive information differently.  My children will laugh when I say this as they’ve all heard it many times.  But it’s true and they would be the first to agree.  That if you expect nothing and the person does something you will be pleased…but if you expect something and they do nothing, or not enough, or the wrong way, you will always live your life in disappointment.  Sounds easy, but it’s hard to have low expectations of someone, especially your mother!  I feel for her on those accounts.  A few of her friends have been guiding her towards this thought process without saying it as directly, so we shall see what evolves.  She’s a smart girl I think she’ll figure it out.

I love the fact that her friends are so important to her and play such a role in her life.  Good friends are priceless. However, with all the creative energy flowing around the house how could an entire season go by and no one suggest that the entrance to her home not be jazzed up.  I mean a couple of large black urns next to the front door with some beautiful topiaries would do the trick!   I know you must be thinking where does that come from…It must be the decorator in me or the artist, or maybe it’s the mom who wants it all to be perfect?   Can you really have your cake and eat it too? 

I guess I’ll stay tuned to find out.

STAGING August 25, 2009

Recently I have been staging high-end homes.  This has become a new thought process for me and goes along with the times — to rethink your assets and talents and create a new position using your best skills.  I must say that I am enjoying this new type of work.  I am an experienced designer who has grown tired of the business aspect of the work, not the creative part.  Problem is:  I still needed an income.  Therein lies the quandry.  

For years I have been struggling  with this aspect of my business not wanting to grow it too large (I know, boo hoo!) so that it takes over my entire life.  Instead, I wanted to manage it in such a way that it provided an adequate income allowing me the opportunity to pursue my other interests.  I think I’ve found it!  Now if it can only find me, we shall see. 

I am hopeful that staging homes will be the new trend as homeowners, wanting to sell, see the value of an expert eye giving their home the definition it lacks along with expanding the homes appeal to a larger audience.  It is huge physical and mental work with tireless hours, but at the end of the day I can walk away and move on to the next project.  This works for me!  My brain is free to go to my studio and create my next masterpiece.  Well, to at least attempt to.  That’s another subject that requires it’s own special page. 

So until then, here’s to re-inventing yourself.  Hey if, Madonna can do it, so can I.

FALL IN/FALL OUT August 23, 2009

Recently I fell into something interesting.  I was asked to paint a painting live on television.  Sounds like a nice gig when you first hear the words paint, and television in the same sentence.  Then the reality of what I was being asked to do set in; five hours, a four by six painting, capture a special moment and make everyone happy!  Was I nuts?  I had to ask myself what would I get from this other than stress?   Could I find the personalities in the main character’s without having a prior chance to meet?  Would this work?

Turns out my youngest daughter happens to be a fan of ” The Learning Channel” (TLC) the network that would produce and air the show.  She easily convinced me it would be a great experience and fun after, I convinced her to be my assistant, so television bound I was.

It was an amazing challenging experience one I will never forget or regret.  I have never steered away from risk in my design work why should I hesitate in my art.  Perhaps because it is so personal.   What I have learned from this is, if you don’t put yourself out there on all aspects of possibility you’ll never know if “you are in” or if “you are out”.

This Sucks! August 14, 2009

Staring at the 400 boxes before me, boxes that I had so lovingly and carefully packed, became a daunting thought process to say the least.  Now I had to unpack them and put the contents back into the same house that I had just taken them out of.   Like any good designer I had all my furniture reupholstered to fit my new trendy downtown loft in Chicago.  Now I had to take that furniture and transfer it back into my 1850’s clapboard home, with it’s small rooms and low ceilings…no more 20 foot ceilings!   The Artwork we gathered for the big splash we would make in our new loft didn’t have a prayer of being hung until some later date and maybe walls might be created for them.  Not to mention there was no budget to do any of this.  Ugh, this sucks!  I didn’t even want to look at any of this stuff for a while.  So I went to Katrina’s!

Slowly I began the process of rethinking my beautiful old home.  It was due for a face-lift as it had been 13 years and there had been only a few tweaks and changes but as a whole it was pretty close to the original concept.  It’s a house with good bones as they say!  Plus the previous year it had been beautifully photographed with an eight page spread in a magazine.  This was helpful in making the transition as I felt good about the fact the previous look was documented… As a designer you do so many amazing things that never get acknowledgment or seen by others (except the home owners) that when something does, it validates you. It is similar in the art world… It’s like creating installations that no one ever gets to see except the artist and maybe family and friends.  Thus began the process of putting my life and my home back together. In came the painter.  Slowly, room by room, I began transforming our home using everything I had and a few gallons of paint.  But wait!  Where was my art career going and how could I start-up this decorating business again when my heart was not into it?   How would we survive?

Then a phone call from a friend and real-estate agent called me and asked me to stage an expensive home for pending sale.  Saved, I thought, this is perfect.  I took the job, it was fun and fast, and it gave me time to get into my studio but my brain was not quite there and as the months were passing, and we didn’t have any income, it was getting scary.  I needed to work, more!  Could I ever break this visious cycle?  I was beginning to think “no”.  Then another phone call came, a Professor at the school I’d recently taught at, suddenly become ill.  Could I take over  all of his classes for the rest of the year?  Yes, yes, yes!  I was getting back in the loop and it was boosting me up.  Was this good fortune, good Karma…what was this that was taking care of me? I needed to trust what was in my gut telling me that even though the chips are down and there couldn’t be a worse time to just focus on your art career.  If not now, when?  I was being spirited up by something that I needed to believe in.  And so I began my journey.

Gearing up! August 13, 2009

I made a commitment to myself several years ago that I would phase out of the interior design business that I had created and begin a full-time career as an Artist (my true passion). That was over 10 years ago and here I was still Decorating houses – not that the decorating wasn’t fulfilling and rewarding in it’s own right.  Because it was.  And who can knock the money? Not me that’s for sure. But then a few symbiotic events began to throw a new light on the subject. First I was offered a class to teach at a local college (something I had planned on doing later in my career.)  I couldn’t say no, so I took the job and fell in love (…with my job that is!)  Second, a sudden move back to Chicago was in the works.  There was excitement in the air.  I was going back after 22 years to the city that fed me as an artist.  I couldn’t believe my luck and fortune.  I packed my house and we found a place to rent that was beyond.  We located renters for our home, this was going to be an amazing adventure and my Art career would be kicked into high gear.  I made numerous connections and plans for the upcoming launching of “me” in Chicago and I shut down my world on the East Coast as I knew it.   There were several going away parties and jobs that were finished and put to bed.  The teaching I so loved was over.  It was endless, exciting and sad (but we were more excited).  Then the bomb dropped and we were informed the job had been pulled away, it didn’t seem real.  How could this be, all this work and preparation…who were these guys?  What kind of a company does this to someone?  Thus began the pity party and the rebuilding of our lives.

I cannot say the last eight months have been easy as they have not but they have been extremely happy and fulfilling, along with challenging and distressing.  First I called all my friends to whine and complain, I guess I felt I had the right to and I wanted my pity party, dammit!   And I was going to get it!…Did I have to give back the gifts??  No…no one wanted them back!  How were we going to make ends meet and how do we get out of this mess, leases etc.?  Turns out the company was good on that end..but they could have given my husband a severance but they didn’t. So now we had to get back in the saddle again and that Art career I was trying to build would once again be put on hold until there were funds enough to support it.  I was bummed to put it mildly, really bummed.  Thank God for my friend Katrina, she was going through a hard time in her life physically and somehow we found each other through it and helped one another crawl out of the hole!  Many afternoons just sitting by the fire and not saying much but keeping one another company.  I had to unpack the 400 boxes in my garage and house and I just couldn’t face it all at once, I had to get back to work and make money, I had to, I had to, I had to…go to Katrina’s!