My High School Reunion October 27, 2010

Nothing like a High School reunion to either kick you in the butt or pat you on the back!  I recently attended my 40th high school reunion in the midwest.  Turns out I picked up the conversations right where I left off and, yes, I was excitied to see how many grandchildren My classmates had.  I wanted to hear about their accomplishments, share the thrills and heartaches of their lives, and see who was bald and fat. 

Old loves rekindled for an hour, or two, and I laughed til I ached at our youthful stupidness.  Tears are shed for those who are gone and the stories not shared.  Mysteries brew over the missing.  Questions not  answered  haunted me.  But in the end, connecting for a few golden hours with the people who helped shaped my life, who believed and trusted in me at a time when many others didn’t, cannot be a bad thing.

Like Romy and Michele, we all wanted to impress and be the inventors of “Post Its”.  But we are not there for the invention, but for each other. You,  me and Bobbie Magee.  It was time to be present and engage.

I was fascinated by many,  interested in others, treated kindly by all.  So for those who were present, I give you a pat on the back for being there.  It was great fun and I was proud of all your accomplishments and the people you became, the families you raised and the role you played in my life.

Remind me to show you my post it notes.

Defying Gravity September 18, 2010

As Paul Newman said “aging is not for sissies” and I think he hit the nail on the head with that one.  I’ve been repeating that quote for years. The aging process seems to take over in the middle of the night.  It’s as if you go to bed as one person and wake up as another?  How can this be?  It is only recently that I really understood what Paul Newman was saying…it’s not about the saggy skin over your knees or the belly that appeared out of nowhere or the droopy jaw line, saggy eyes, balding heads it’s about the fear that we are not who we once were and we let that take over our lives and become sissies.  We need to embrace our uniqueness, even more, and allow our inner rebel to defy what our body is telling us — that we are old and not as relevant and exciting as we once were.  In this youth based society, aging is even more difficult and challenging. 

On a recent episode of the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” (And yes, I admit I am a reality TV junkie) one of the housewives, Theresa, who has a pension for inserting her foot into her mouth, called Kim G. another housewife (who is in her early 50’s) “that older lady”.  She went on to say: “I have respect for the elderly!”  Seriously?   

It doesn’t do anyone (especially another woman) any good to trash someone due to their age, as if being older means being less of a person.  It’s a strange logic within our society.  Yes, we all think we have the answers when we are young but by the time you hit your middle twenties, and thirties, one should have discovered that there’s very little you know and that you are beholden to those who have paved the way before you.  All the great writers, artists, scientists, leaders, thinkers who challenge us intellectually, are the givers of youth. 

It’s less about the new wrinkle on your forehead and more about brain cells, although a feather boa and a pair of signature glasses keeps it interesting!  Defy gravity and don’t be a sissie. 

Thanks, Paul.

Finding your way May 17, 2010

Sometimes life, feels like a maze that keeps spinning you around and around without a real destination or direction.  Or, when you do get to your destination you just have to turn around and go right back to where you came from, not really having gone anywhere?  All those repetitive things we do day in and day out…what is the point?  There must be a point?  Aren’t you supposed to feel this in your 20’s and work through the process. Find your focus, passion and drive and let that carry you on your journey?  Or is it undiagognosed ADD that keeps the maze going?  Or maybe the fact that time seems to fly by in months and years, where as, when you were a child waiting for school to end seemed like an eternity and sitting for an hour in a church pew felt like a week!  Am I just trying to do too much and get it all in and creating my own maze? Does everyone feel this way at certain points in their lives?  These are the questions I had to ask myself. 

What I have learned is that I am a bit of a perfectionist, and maybe have some obssesive complusive undertones, okay, I can accept this, it’s just how it is. Learning to let some things go and and realizing it doesn’t all have to be done today…an ephinany.  Of course I could tell other’s this but in my own mind I wanted all of mine done…that really does say something doesn’t it!   Next, life is short…so make sure you live it how you like it!  O.K. this one I think I have down!   ADD, yup, I’m sure there’s some of that also, Oh well, keeps it interesting and personally I think it’s what makes me a great muli-tasker.  Learn, learn, learn, never stop learning.  Do, Do Do, never stop doing.  Be present and in the game.  I’ve learned to enjoy the mundane things and think of it like down time…it’s my meditation!  I’m forging new paths in the maze and it’s getting bigger and one of these days I’ll pop out someplace I hadn’t expected and it will all have been worth it.  Heck it’s worth it even if I don’t pop out…but I think I will! I’m a late bloomer! That is something I’ve always known!!

Stuff April 6, 2010

 I love stuff.  I have stuff.  Stuff attracts me and I gather stuff.  It is my stuff that people go to and are attracted to in my home.  I have an eye for the unusual, the good, the ugly, the irreverant and the weird that make it unique when placed in your personal space.  Having nearly 30 years of experience as a decorator and collector I find this area of my life to be where I am fearless.  I love the hunt for stuff.  If the discovery is meant to be mine or a clients it doesn’t matter.  I see it from across the room and am fixated on it, like a bee on a blossom…gotta have it!   Checking the price tag…oow, not even close.  I hate when that happens…and the budget interfers with my great taste!  Move on.  Keep hunting. 

What is the point of all this stuff? Really?  I have to ask myself this question, it’s just stuff.  O.K., I’m a visual snob…there, I said it, I can’t help it.  I know.  I’ve tried.  Given the opportunity I would go around tweaking and shoozing everything in sight.  Leave me alone in a room and I’m sure to move a few things just to balance it and make it better…can’t you see I’m helping!   I live in and have created a totally visual world that feeds and stimulates who I am and others who enter it.  Perhaps I am the keeper of these things I call stuff, until they find another resting place to be adored and enjoyed.  At least I hope that is the case. 

What I have learned is that living with interesting and beautiful things does inspire.  As a collector you collect memories with these objects.  Every object has a story as to how it arrived, via travel, the antique shop or as a gift.  It helps to keep your choices narrowed and focused as you build a collection.  Random one off’s need to be special in their own right.   A collection may consist of three objects or a hundred, you can decide when it is complete and move on.  It also is important to give these items a sense of purpose or space.  Clustering a group of all white (blue, black, green etc.) objects together gives support and credibility to the objects.  Use books to stagger heights and add interest.  Perhaps their own cabinet or shelf.  If the object is a one-of-a-kind, placing it upon a short stack of books will give it the importance it needs. 

Stuff takes on a new meaning when displayed properly, it offers you stories to tell and lets the viewer see who you are by the objects you buy and keep.  For now I’m enjoying my stuff and I hope one day these treasures will find their way into someone else’s collection or life.

Bon Jour March 28, 2010

O.K. I will admit I am a bit of a Francophile.  I have a passion for the life and style of France if only it weren’t for the language barrier!  I haven’t given up on the goal of spending at least part of my year living there.  I have spent the last 15 years gathering words in my brain and studing the language resulting in minimal success!  I have absolutley no idea why I studied German in school?  I don’t have a German bone in my body and have never been there, where as, I do have French bones and spend a fair amount of my travel in France.  Go figure, youth.

Recently we decided to house three French exchange students for several weeks.  I put my tapes in the day before their arrival and was communicating beautifuly with my French instructor (who understands everything I say).  The problem seems to be that no one communicates like that.  When you speak the lines you’ve learned on the audio tapes they look at you as if you are speaking Greek.  The other problem is I know these phrases in there complete form and cannot break them apart…so, I either have to say it as I know it and hope they will understand or butcher it and enjoy their giggles as I distroy their beautiful language.  Years ago while reading “Me Talk Pretty One Day” by David Sedaris, I found myself laughing out loud through much of the book as he struggled through the language creating an Eng-Fre version of the language.  Today I find myself asking my dear sweet French girls if they, “you like want me you go him with ready soon?”  They look sweetly at me then at each other and smile and say, “oui” and off we go.  Bon Jour.

All on the Table March 4, 2010

The other day I was talking to my sister, a coach of a stuggling  basketball team on a losing streak.  This young team has shown so much heart and fight, that their pain of not having a win is felt by all who know, watch and coach them.  They leave all that they have on the court and even though the effort and hard work is there, the rewards are not to be seen.

Is it just the win that matters?  Perhaps as a society we are geared to think that way.  The 2010 winter olympic’s have just ended and of course that is the ultimate “win” and even the announcers have a way of making a “Silver Medal” feel like a loss!  How do they do that!

When everything you have is put on the table and you still lose, can you really still be a loser?   What is loss, never trying or to have tried and failed?  Are life’s lessons enough or do we need the win to justify our efforts?  Some win without trying, others try and never win and still others win big, and lose big, and visa versa.  No matter how you look at it, it appears as if winning and losing are part of the same game.  My father used to say:  “All work is honorable”.  Even the work of trying to win, when the odds are against you, is honorable.

Winning is a state of mind.  Dream big, work hard and put everything on the table.  I hope you win.

Thankful February 22, 2010

Lately, I hear so many women my age complain about how bored they are.  I’ve also noticed how they create faux high school drama’s trying to get reactions, perhaps in order to keep life interesting (this will be another blog!).  I react slightly startled to this, as I don’t really like the drama nor have I ever been bored a day in my life.  Uninterested in something yes, I’ll agree to that, but bored never. I had to ask myself why?  Why is it that I don’t get bored and never feel like there are enough hours in the day?  Bottom line, I believe it comes down to being creative.  Going back to my childhood being busy was encouraged in our house.  If you complained about being bored you were told to go and clean your room.  Need I say more! 

I remember around the age of eight watching my father paint a canvas of a winter scene with a skier in our kitchen and thinking, “I’m going to do that some day.”  It was thrilling and exciting to watch him paint.  The creative part of me came out early and as a small child I felt rewarded for this in many ways.  In grade school I was considered the go to person for bulletin boards, posters and anything creative.  Around the age of eleven I did several drawings of hands in charcoal.  One of these drawings had several hands twisting and turning at different angles.  I copied these from a book and was pretty proud of my accomplishment.  That weekend I took the drawings to my Grandmother Nanny’s house to show her.  Nanny was so impressed she wanted to buy the drawing.  Buy it I thought!  You can’t imagine my thrill as a child…now I knew I was good!

Nanny paid me twenty-five dollars for the drawing.  I was rich!  And indeed I was, I was rich in spirit.  She fed me in a way that encouraged me to struggle through all the ups and downs of an Artists career.  She was my first patron and I will forever be thankful for that.  She framed the drawing and hung it in her living room until she died in her late nineties.  I was always touched by this true loyalty to me.  Leaving me with a lasting gift of belief, creative curiousity and a full spirit that is never bored.  For this and much more I will be forever thankful.

Time Ticks Away January 11, 2010

It’s actually amazing how fast time is moving.  I know it’s the same as it always has been, but it feels faster.  As a child, my mother told me someday time would seem to be in short supply and I would cast her a sarcastic look as if she had nothing better in her life to do then worry about insignificant thoughts.  Now 30 years later, here I am worrying about the passage of time.

I guess it’s more of a feeling than a worry.  Time seems to be moving so fast that is makes me question whether I will ever be able to accomplish all of my life goals.  Truly, I don’t think a creative person ever gets close to feeling finished, perhaps accomplished, but not finished.  It’s not like there is day when you say: “Oh look, I’m finished, no more creative thoughts”.

Recently I read a story by David Sedaris about the four-burner theory.  A character in his book suggests that we should  imagine our lives as a four-burner stove.  Each burner represents a part of our lives — one for family, friends, health, and work.  David’s friend, who is explaining the theory, tells him you can only use three of the four burners if you want to be successful.   David asked him: “Which burner did you turn off first?”  The friend replied: “Family”.  The friend continued that to be uber successful you need to turn off two burners.  When asked which burner went off next she answered: “My health.”  Mr. Sedaris goes on to weave a humorous, slightly disturbing, heartfelt story about family and success.

Needless to say, I think the four burner theory is probably correct to a point.  No matter how you look at it, time is ticking away and there’s nothing you can do about it except adjust.

Right now, I feel like I am cooking on all four burners.  Tick, Tock.

When Life Bites-Bite Back October 14, 2009

Life can be amazing — like a beautiful piece of coral. But sometimes, when you least expect it, it bites you right in the hynnie.  This year my rear end is a little sore.  I think I am a well-adjusted, balanced person who has a grasp of the complexity of life.  But the fact remains, I feel stretched.  Is it because I run on too many cylinders?  Maybe I didn’t plan for the future.  Maybe I’m not learning the right lessons.  Perhaps all three. What ever it is, I have never felt so much stress and pressure in my life.  Is this just a sign of the times to come?  Gosh, I hope not.

All the little things that are supposed to make your life easier just seem to add to the To-Do List and consume your time – and not in a productive way.  The learning curve is huge!  First I was supposed to Tweet (who has the time?) and then I am supposed to Link-In with people whom I barely know (for what?).  I use Facebook to stay in the loop ( boring after a few weeks except for the photos and personal contact).  I will never want to know what Disney character someone is, ever!  I feel like my time chart is being maxed out.  It’s actually hard to believe that just over a decade ago most people didn’t have cell phones.  Seriously, is that rediculous or what!  My children had to seek out a land line to call home to let me know they were alright.  Now a fast thumb can text message in the blink of an eye.

The bite felt this year is a hard one because it’s a financial bite and what I have worked to achieve for the last 20 years has been taken away. Financial loss takes away your freedom. Your freedom to choose, to do, to act, to play, to comfort. Trust me, I still live quite well but it is definately in an altered state as I work three jobs to keep it all going.  I do not want to go too far backwards and let my art slip to the wayside.  It would be easier to let it go in many ways as it a time consuming process, but it’s my true passion.  I believe there is a place for me in the art world.  So I am biting back and trying to prove to myself (and others) that this is the right journey to be on.  Although it is a huge struggle, my painting sales are up even in a down market.  

Now that’s the kind of biting I like!

Cake and Eat it too! September 21, 2009

Several weeks ago I read Tori Spellings new book, “Mommywood”, as I’m a fan of her reality show.  I know, I can’t help it.  I’m a bit of a reality show junky.  I’m hooked.  It’s totally my guilty pleasure.  Thank you Tivo!  

That being said, I had to ask myself what was it with Tori that drew me into this show?  My children are mostly raised, and yes, I have daughter’s around the same age who are raising their own famlies.  Was that it?  No.  It went deeper.  Tori is a worry wort, who struggles to make it on her own even though she was raised in the most opulant style.  She has pazazz, wit, humor and is creatively clever.   

Tori’s energy and drive reminded me of myself at her age.  I too was a worry wart and somehow, I was able to change that thanks to my dear friend who reminded me, that you must believe that your children, and those you love, are blessed.  These words  freed me from the tortment of constant worry.  As a mother, I have said these words to others who have had irrational thoughts and worries as well.  I think that is the reason I became hooked on her show.  Tori is fun, silly and can throw a great party.  She’s successful because of her hard work and she loves her family.  Me too!  This was the connection that drew me in and made me stay.  I admire her perseverance to figure it all out and to reach for the stars.  I needed to see what happened.  I know I’m not alone, there are lot’s of you out there.

I still feel bad that her mother and her cannot connect but sometimes it  just happens that way in life.  It really comes down to expectations and perception when you are dealing with a problematic exchange between two people who should be able to communicate with one another but, for whatever reason, cannot.  We all perceive information differently.  My children will laugh when I say this as they’ve all heard it many times.  But it’s true and they would be the first to agree.  That if you expect nothing and the person does something you will be pleased…but if you expect something and they do nothing, or not enough, or the wrong way, you will always live your life in disappointment.  Sounds easy, but it’s hard to have low expectations of someone, especially your mother!  I feel for her on those accounts.  A few of her friends have been guiding her towards this thought process without saying it as directly, so we shall see what evolves.  She’s a smart girl I think she’ll figure it out.

I love the fact that her friends are so important to her and play such a role in her life.  Good friends are priceless. However, with all the creative energy flowing around the house how could an entire season go by and no one suggest that the entrance to her home not be jazzed up.  I mean a couple of large black urns next to the front door with some beautiful topiaries would do the trick!   I know you must be thinking where does that come from…It must be the decorator in me or the artist, or maybe it’s the mom who wants it all to be perfect?   Can you really have your cake and eat it too? 

I guess I’ll stay tuned to find out.